I guess I can say it is my fault, it feels like it anyways. I can try to blame the start of my problems when I awoke in this land. When I first woke up here, I found myself on a gray, lifeless floating island. My hands touched the equally lifeless grass that withered when I wanted a closer look. when I looked around, there where multiple other floating islands of many sizes. There wasn’t any true solid ground because if you looked downward there would be nothing but a dark, dark blue. The sky looked like a constant gradient of orange and a navy blue casting this grayish hue on everything else. 

I know that the true start of my problems began with her. I looked further for a place to properly think about the situation I found myself in and found a seemingly abandoned mansion on a far away giant island. I knew it was a risk to jump from island to island to get to it but it was either stay here and die of starvation or jump to the mansion and potentially live. After some springs and some jumps I realized that this land I was in had a weird sense of gravity, it was inconsistent, one moment pulling you down and another trying to push you away. Using this new found knowledge, I had figured out how to crudely bend this land’s laws of gravity to my will. 

   I made it to the mansion unaware that she would become the spark of my issues. There was a familiar stranger with dark, glossy lips, long black, shiny hair that she kept in a ponytail, a nose that was long and square like and her eyes being a soft brown shape like a tired almond. She went by Jay. Looking at her reminded me of a lost memory. Her hair and pale skin all reminded me of a very newly born child long ago. Surely this was a coincidence since it wasn’t uncommon for other people to be born with black hair and pale skin. 

   When we met, we decided to team up for some time to figure out a way out of that accursed land. Scavenging for food was not hard only time consuming, all we had to do was jump onto the islands like we’ve both had done when we first arrived and search for lost and broken things on the islands such as broken cans or lost water bottles. 

I’d theorized that everything that manages to appear here was either lost or forgotten things, perhaps when every living being has forgotten about the object’s existence and was out of sight to never be heard of again. I then began to question how I could’ve arrived here if I swore I wasn’t forgotten. There wasn’t anyway I could’ve been lost, at least, not with my reputation. 

Jay commonly told me to stay at the old mansion while she went out to scavenge. I didn’t know how to scavenge much but I could hold my own and travel with her as well, I used to be, a man of some strength. She went alone enough times that I was going to travel out there myself until I came upon the door and noticed it was locked. When she came back I confronted her about the door. she confessed that she saw something black and shiny crawling around the islands when she was out and only did so to protect me. I was relieved with this answer. I was convinced she was trustworthy enough to risk her own life for our sakes even if I still wanted to help her out.

   Time passed from days to weeks to what felt like a month. Jay would take long travels and I felt bored in that mansion when she wasn’t here. There wasn’t anything to do and I simply couldn't leave due to the door. To pass the time I day dreamed of leaving this world back to the one I grew up in. whenever that happened, I thought of my old wife and the child we had together. My wife had some anger issues but dont we all get angry at times? Thinking of my lost family made me feel more lonely and lost. It did not help that I couldn’t quite describe why I felt lost at the time.  

Jay usually treats me well whenever she comes back from her scavenging trips by bringing me a gift. She gave me flowers one day after I accidentally spilled some canned rice she brought home and got angry at me because she had nearly risked her life jumping for it. Another time she gave me some chocolates in a heart shaped container after the time I didn’t tell her about the pillow I had found one day and she yelled at me because she works so hard for and goes to sleep on the floor nearly every night. Each time I made a mistake we yelled for some time but she apologised for yelling with gifts. I felt so clumsy and felt so glad that she would be there to point me out on it. 

   I wanted to make her happy one day since it was our 5 month anniversary being in a relationship and for helping us with finding food and water. I’ve seen some pretty things dangling from some islands so I thought that I would scavenge myself. I knew about the dangers of the black shiny monsters but I told myself I wasn’t going to be away for long. I just wanted to find her a necklace or some new clothes since our current ones were starting to get tattered. When I came back empty handed, she came back and knew I had left the house without telling her. I tried to argue back but she slapped me in the face and left to her own room for several hours. I knew it was my fault, if I just hadn’t left without telling her or if I had actually brought back a gift then maybe she wouldn’t be as mad at me. 

   The day later I walked to her room to apologise but apparently she was sorry for raising her voice and gave me a coat she found yesterday. She knew I was feeling cold at night due to her having all of the pillows. I tried to tell her that I was trying to repay her but dismissed it. I was just more than glad she didn’t leave me, I needed her to be here in this world so I wouldn't be alone. I just can’t handle being alone, especially after I was jailed for so long. 

More time went by. It feels like 7 months now. I found a mirror in one of the mansion’s many closets and noticed a very peculiar thing. My head, normally sharp in the jaws with a long sharp nose, dark brown skin and triangled shaped eyes that have seen many things, was now changed. My ears became longer and started to develop 3 points on them. My dark curly hair was hiding tiny, yet long bumps on my scalp. My eyes, oh my eyes, my eyes that used to be golden brown, was now becoming a glistening golden yellow with my pupils enlarging. My dark skin started to feel more scratchy and breathing felt more troublesome. I’ve been noticing as well that I have been needing more and more water, I can't help it but Jay shrieked at me with her now sharp golden eyes that I better not drink any more than 2 cups of water each day. I felt weak, I knew I couldn't travel out there even if I wanted to, I just felt more and more dehydrated each day. 
  Later that week, I noticed her exhausted, mouth open, on the carpet and I couldn't help but notice some features about her. Her hair strands have gotten longer and unnaturally wide, her teeth had all merged together into a singular shape and her black shiny lips had curved to become slightly hook like. This scared me, we were both changing in ways that where unnatural. I wanted to tell her but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to risk angering her again, I felt like I was walking on eggshells whenever we spoke, but if she noticed and realised I didn't tell her anything then she might- she might-. 

I decided not to tell her. 

    Several weeks later when I was waiting for Jay to come back, a peculiar girl with a yellow shirt and blue suspenders was seen outside the windows. What struck me as especially odd was her long black hair and pale skin, similar to Jay’s. I wondered if the child could be a younger version of Jay when the memory of a child being birthed by my late wife Jessica came along and reminded me of something crucial. I realised this child and my child both had my golden brown eye color. 

I felt it. I had to get out there. Obviously the doors won't work to my favor so I tried the windows and managed to leave. The child noticed me and I tried to cover up my now worsening fish features to no avail. I was getting worse and it was more than obvious. I jumped to the islands each time pausing to gasp for some sickening air until I landed on the island where my child laid. We just both stared at each other when I got up until she spoke. 

   “Dad… is that you?”
  The mere sentence made me want to tear up with dehydration being the only thing stopping me from doing so. 

   “Yes, it's me.”

   “What happened to you?” she wondered.

   “I-” I paused for a second. Not only has it’s been so long since I've talked to another human other than Jay, but I just couldn’t just dump what had happened to me. Talking about my experiences made me feel weak. Suddenly, her small face quickly got agitated. 

   “Please tell me you’re not with her. She’s claiming herself as this woman named Jay.”
  Admitting what had happened to me did make me feel weak but accepting it wasn’t my fault after being convinced it was just made me want to collapse. I was supposed to be the stronger one in the relationship, right? My child made me tear up a little and to come to terms with the facts. 

   “...how’d you know what she had done to me?”

   “That doesn’t matter right now. I'll explain when I have more time, but you need to come to complete terms with yourself. You are not lost, you are not alone. ”

   I sat down and closed my eyes, my child joining me as well. I held my hands to the drying and cracking scales now covering the entirety of my face, focusing on the heaving breathing that was my own. That was when I realised who the true start of all of my problems came from. It was Jay herself, always making small problems bigger, always making me feel like she could do everything herself and I was only there to depend on her. The realization that I had transformed myself both literally and into the person that succumbed in that old relationship made me realize I could change myself again. The two points on the scalp of my head disintegrated leaving me with less weight and my skin felt less scratchy. It felt exhilarating to know that I wasn't alone with Jay anymore, to know that I wasn’t just another lost item. 

   “When you wake up, find me at our old house. The one you always wanted to raise me in but could never when they took you. I’ll fill you in on what happened when you were gone” she whispered.

I squinted at the sudden bright light. I opened my eyes to the world that I felt lost in. the true sky blue that never hurt my eyes and the white clouds that promised being reborn, the grassy greens that never withered to a dull gray, the clean air that never betrayed me whenever I would breathe. 

  I stood up and found myself home.